WANT

After what seems to be ages, I am ready to return to DA on a much more regular basis. I've been busy experimenting with some new techniques and styles recently. Keeps me very busy, what can I say? I apologize for my absense, but believe me, when the new submissions come in, yoou won't be sorry. These ones take alot longer to finish, but they look alot better too.


My arm is healing nicely now, and I expect I should have the ability to completely straighten it by spring.....
.....been a long road to recovery.

The book is coming along nicely now, getting into the final stages now. Promises to be a literal masterpiece. GF says she wants to read more everytime I finish another paragraph.

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I JUST WANT TO EAT FUDGE ALL DAY LONG.....IT'S WHAT I WANT

please dont judge me


I AM BACK! THE DUST HAS FINALLY SETTLED.....AND I NOW HAVE TIME TO RESUME MY WORK. I APOLOGIZE TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS HERE @ DA FOR MY ABSCENCE LATELY....LIFE JUST KINDA GETS THE HELL IN THE WAY.

As some of you may know....I run a gas station. I had hired a young gentleman to come and work for me....and I have known this little peckerhead for quite some time. SEEMED like a good kid. So now, let me ask you this....."IF YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION.....WOULD IT BE A good IDEA, TO START PLAYING WITH MATCHES?" Keep in mind....you're standing on top of 100,000 litres of flammable/volitile fluid. Can you say BOOM?!?! Then the little bastard robbed us blind, over three weeks......1000's of $$ worth of stock, and hundreds of $$ in cash. I WALKED IN and CANNED HIS SORRY ASS.

Our stock....and Payroll.....ended up in the wrong place....people not showing up for work.....my neighbor is dying.....my best employee is out for the summer with a slipped disk in her lower back......last week the internet went down so I had to fight with the ISP to get it up & running again...which took a week!

And to top it all off.....

I HAVE A MONSTER OF AN INGROWN TOENAIL.....OUCH

I have a novel in progress that should be complete within the year. I will keep everyone up to ate on "UN" a tale so wicked and bold most publishers would never want to touch it. It's cannabalism, it's murder, it's torement, vengeance and retribution. It is totally my style of fiction. I know I have no real history in prose around here, and you all have nothing to go off of for the time being, but trust me, I don't suck.




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The new wave has dawned, and I ride it, I have been renewed again and again, but never before like this. I feel agressed, hungy for more than what I have. I can feel the empowerment.


All I can say is that it must be spring....I can feel the urge, I want to get back outside, I want the smell of burning rubber and hot concrete. I want the smell of fresh rain and new grass.


Springtime always tends to make me a bit aggressive, I can feel it in every fragment of my being. I don't want to scare the crap out of people, but really, I see no point in being fake. Spring does things to me....I can't explain it other than tipical spring fever. Currently I can feel the difference in me. It's exhilerating, envigorating and bold. This time of the year does alot for me in many ways, because it pushes my inner thoughts towards heavier subjects....some pointless and amusing, others.....deep and graphic, as you may have noticed by my latest pieces. It is only as of recent that I have recontinued my work....I had lost my scope of inspiration for a while. I have many new pieces in the works. Some of them I may not even submit due to their more graphic nature....we'll see.


All I can really say for damn sure is that this account will be very A C T I V E for the next little while, providing I get enough time to finish my works. I also have a novel in progress that should be complete within the year. I will keep everyone up to ate on "UN" a tale so wicked and bold most publishers would never want to touch it. It's cannabalism, it's murder, it's torement, vengeance and retribution. It is totally my style of fiction. I know I have no real history in prose around here, and you all have nothing to go off of for the time being, but trust me, I don't suck. Anybody who's read my stuff has pretty much had the same reaction to that as they do to my artwork. They like it, but it's so beyond the norm of everyday life that they're not sure why. I never have liked "the norm" that stinking cesspool of a mold we all belong to; even me. People tell me, "You can draw such nice/pretty things, why do you bother with this other stuff?"

WHY? Because I enjoy it. I enjoy making people look at that filthy little part of themselves that makes them look at a car accident as they drive by it on the freeway. It's a part of our putrid human nature that we all deny. We hate it, and revel in disgust by it. If we accept it perhaps we can understand it. That's my mission.....that and doing my artwork is just fun. I don't want to sound like a freak and I certainly hope people don't get too serious about this journall, keep in mind, I am really quite normal, and yes, I do function in society quite well. I am actually well liked in my community. I am just a strong theorist, I tend to think the crap out of things....almost to the point of making myself dizzy.....



The BIG BANG THEORY???? What a bunch of crap. Think about it.....first there was nothing.....then nothing exploded.....and there was the universe.....and the universe then grew.....and formed planets....and life....and eventually......the universe will get as big as it can.....and then.....it will fall in on itself.....and "pop" it will vanish forever. Then what???

Everything we have to base theory on is the understood....or rather what we understand. Even better, what our tiny brains can comprehend. And the way we see it, everything has a beginning....a span of (shall I dare say life).....and a death/end. WHY? Why does it have to be that way, what if it just always was....what of infinity?

Death? What's death really? Have you ever held on to an electricions tool? (don't be perves) Everyone has elecricity in there bodies....each one of us have a unique electronic signature. What if death is nothing but a transferance of energy? A change of form....and not really death at all.....what if life is as infinite as the universe itself? Fathom that!!!

Nature? We all live in it, we all know we come from it...somehow. And yet we abuse it, myself included. The system denies us the opportunity to embrace it fully. We are so intuned with the system now, and there are so many laws in place that we simply are unable to return to nature....think about it....all the land is owned....if you squat a piece of land, you're tresspassing. Breaking the law....then what? Jail....that's right, they haul your ass back to "civilization" and lock you inside of it to teach you a lesson. Homeless are the closest, and yet, they are in a way made an example of what happens if you fall out of line/out of the system. Humans need to embrace nature more closely in my opinion. We need to stop destroying it. Or we will destroy ourselves. You've heard of healing crystals right? Well....?? Why not? If we are from nature.....and we are in tune with it, there's no reason why it shouldn't work. If we are a part of nature we are a part of the crystals...the rocks...the water...and the mountains. Think about it.



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Time to take a new aproach to things....life is changing all around me....I find myself becoming exhausted and I am very much looking forward to Christmas this year. I can hardly wait, I know this may sound a tad juvenile, but really it isn't. Christmas eve I'm closing up shop early, and heading back to my home town of Naicam....my Mom, my Brothers, my Girl, and our Dogs.....almost a perfect ensemble. I only regret my Dad can't be here with us again this year....I miss him.
Christmas day, we go to the Mother in laws house....another festivity I look forward to every year. I get a kick out of my Girls Brother....fun guy! (DID I JUST SAY FUNGI??)

Also, I get to sleep in that day....my first day off since beginning of August.




Anyway, here's the Christmas Treats I promised....







This is a true story about Dummy McDummerson (name substituted), from New York State, USA, whose pipes in his home froze one winter. Anxious to unfreeze them, Mr Porter backed his car up to an open window so that the exhaust would warm up the house.
A little while later and Porter, his wife and their three children had to be rushed to hospital suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.


Stoopy McStooperson (name sub), 23, suffered second and third-degree burns on his head in Columbus, Ohio one freezing cold winter. Unable to start his car, he diagnosed the problem as a frozen fuel line which he thought he could correct by running warm petrol through it. He then tried to heat a two-gallon can of petrol on his gas stove in the kitchen.


Myra was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new party dress.
In the clothing store she asked, 'May I try on that dress in the window, please?'
'Certainly not, madam,' responded the salesgirl, 'You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.'


On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be'
Unable to decide, Nathan entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, 'How about some perfume?' She showed him a bottle costing £75. [$150USD]
'Too expensive,' muttered Nathan.
The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50. 'Oh dear,' Nathan groused, 'still far too much.'
Growing rather annoyed at Nathan's meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him.
Nathan became really agitated, 'What I mean,' he whined, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.'
So the sales girl handed him a mirror.


Martha decided to move with the times and try the delights of microwave cooking. Whereupon, her devoted husband Archie went out and bought her a brand new top-of-the range Sharp Microwave oven.
Christmas approached and Martha got out her Christmas pudding recipe and assembled the ingredients. She proceeded along traditional lines and even got the each member of the family to stir the mixture 'for luck'. When Martha consulted the microwave's manual for the cooking time, she could not believe that ten minutes would be enough for a traditional Christmas pudding. Consequently she decided to substitute her normal cooking time of 50 minutes.
As Martha was in the lounge watching her favourite T.V. programme she did not see the pudding spitting in the microwave oven, nor did she hear the mini-explosions. When she finally extracted the pudding from the microwave after nearly an hour of cooking on 'High', it smelt of burnt sugar and looked like a ball of tar. Naturally, the Christmas pudding was a disaster, so much so, that Martha could not even prod it with a fork. In fact the black ball stuck to the bottom of the bowl and Archie had to get a screwdriver to prize it from its base.
In a fit of pique, Martha threw the shrivelled Christmas pudding to Togo her St Bernard puppy. After a few days she could see the funny side, and Togo loved his new indestructible toy, which amused him until the next Christmas.


Just before Christmas I was shopping at a toy fayre in Nottingham'
I glanced to my left and caught sight of a queue at the doll counter; they were waiting for the shelves to be restocked with Mattel dolls. As I looked I realised that in the queue was a good friend of mine. Knowing Ernie well I was sure that he had no daughters nor did he have any nieces so I wondered why he should want to buy a doll at Christmas time'
'Hey, Ernie,' I cried, 'I hadn't realised you collected dolls.'
'I don't,' he replied laughing'
'Really,' I queried, 'then you must be buying a Christmas present then?'
'No, not at all, my friend,' responded Ernie, his eyes twinkling merrily'
'If you don't mind my asking then Ernie,' I said, 'Why exactly are you standing in this particular queue?'
'Oh that,' he giggled. 'It's like this, my mate,' he mused, 'I've never been able to resist a Barbie queue.'


Chippenham George worked for the Post Office and his job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day just before Christmas, a letter landed on his desk simply addressed in shaky handwriting: 'To God'. With no other clue on the envelope, George opened the letter and read:
Dear God,
I am an 93 year old widow living on the State pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had in the world and no pension due until after Christmas. Next week is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for Christmas lunch. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. God; can you please help me?
Chippenham George was really touched, and being kind hearted, he put a copy of the letter up on the staff notice board at the main Fareham sorting office where he worked. The letter touched the other postmen and they all dug into their pockets and had a whip round. Between them they raised £95. [$190 USD] Using an officially franked Post Office envelope, they sent the cash on to the old lady, and for the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter simply addressed to 'God' landed in the Sorting Office. Many of the postmen gathered around while George opened the letter. It read,
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely luncheon for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift - in fact we haven't gotten over it and even Father John, our parish priest, is beside himself with joy. By the way, there was £5 [$10 USD] missing. I think it must have been those thieving fellows at the Post Office.
George could not help musing on Oscar Wilde's quote: 'A good deed never goes unpunished'


Tesco is launching what it claims is the world's first musical sandwich.
The sandwich plays a medley of Christmas tunes when the packaging is opened. Tunes include Jingle Bells, Santa Claus is Coming to Town and We Wish You a Merry Christmas.
It features the same technology used in talking greetings cards. 'The concept of musical sandwiches is something We've been looking at for a while now and we thought Christmas would be the perfect time', said Tesco spokesman Jonathan Church.
Tesco's musical sandwich is a traditional Christmas combination of turkey and cranberry sauce with pork and cranberry stuffing.



If you think last Christmas was bad, it could have been worse - as these statistics from the United Kingdom prove. I cannot help wondering if other areas of the world are more accident prone or less? Another thought, how does Christmas compare with other times of the year?
1) Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
2) Three people die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
3) Five people were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
4) Eight people cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep while throwing up into the toilet.
5) Eighteen people had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
6) Nineteen people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
7) Thirty one people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
8) Fifty eight people are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
(Incidentally, in Birmingham they don't even use proper screwdrivers. Instead they get out the 'Birmingham Screwdriver'. In my home town we call a hammer a 'Birmingham Screwdriver'.)
9) One hundred and one people since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
10) One hundred and forty two people were injured in 1998 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
11) Five hundred and forty three people were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. (In 1967 my ex flat mate was one such.)



CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED
* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...






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And to all.....a good night


Scary Christmas everyone!!!!! and a Slappy New Year!!!!!